I signed up to some online training recently. It was organised by an American, and therefore was set at a US time zone. Someone (based in another country) asked whether there was a catch up opportunity as it was about 2am in the morning and they’d be asleep and the community piled in on them, saying things like ‘if you really want to watch it, you’d just get up,’ ‘I live in another country and I’m staying up all night for it, so you can too.’ Another person said they’d not be able to join live as it was Eurovision weekend and they were watching that, and yup, more vitriol about them and their priorities.
This really got me thinking about what we do and our priorities. It also made me think about how we treat others and their priorities. The person who didn’t want to join in the middle of the night; maybe they’re a single parent, working 2 jobs and just need some sleep; maybe they’re caring for someone or maybe they’re struggling financially, need to keep their job and are just doing their best.
The person who wanted to watch Eurovision? You can’t work all the time. You might love your business, but we all need balance and fun in our lives.
And what really struck me about the lack of compassion and empathy – this was training for coaches! Coaches who, I think, are supposed to be empathetic and problem solvers. There was none of that. It was all judgemental and I wouldn’t want to work with any of them. It also made me question whether I wanted to actually watch the training, as my first response was to come at the post with empathy and curiosity, not judgement and cruelty. Also, we all have different priorities, and who are we to say to someone else that their priorities are ‘wrong?’ We’re not.
When I’m working with someone, one of the first things I’ll ask is ‘is there anything in your life right now or coming up that means you may struggle to commit?’ It’s such a simple question, but it helps both myself and my client manage expectations. Also, if there is something that’s coming up, we can make a plan, together, and navigate whatever the issue or event is.
If someone wants to have coaching, and they’ve signed up for it, yes, it’s a priority, but there are also many other priorities they have – paying bills, family commitments, self-care and they can’t always do everything. I come at this with compassion and empathy, but that doesn’t mean I won’t push back – the client has signed up for coaching because their life isn’t working and if they’re not going to make compromises and do the work, nothing will change. Tough love is needed and I’m not adverse to giving someone a hug and a kick up the backside at the same time!
The next time someone says they can’t do something, treat them with empathy and compassion, as you never know what’s going on in their life right now and if we’re all a little bit kinder, what a better world this would be.